I've Been Invited to a Holiday Party, and my ADHD Brain Says "Now What?"

Holiday Social Plans… Now What?

Welcome back to A Solo Person’s Guide to ADHD! I’m your host, Christine Dunning, Master Certified Life Coach and owner of Two Cats Coaching.

Holiday socializing is hard enough — now add ADHD, winter fatigue, disrupted routines, and the fact that you’re doing this alone.
Suddenly every invitation feels like someone assigned you a group project for a class you forgot to attend.

This episode gives you realistic, ADHD-friendly strategies for three moments every solo ADHDer faces in December:

1. I got an invitation — now what?
2. I’m at the event — now what?
3. I realize I’m overcommitted — now what?

This isn’t about becoming a holiday party superstar.
It’s about protecting your energy, honoring your limits, and choosing what works for your brain.

💌 Section 1 — “I Got an Invitation… Now What?”

When impulsivity says “Sure! Future Me will totally have energy!” — pause.
Here’s how to make choices that support your current bandwidth:

• 10-Second Gut Check: Would I go if it were today?
• The Social Math Test: Does the energy I’ll spend match the energy I’ll get?
• The Half-Attend Strategy: Commit to the first hour, not the whole night.
• Pre-Written Declines: Save scripts so you don’t panic-type.

ASSAP Framework Tie-In: This is Access — creating supports before you need them.

🎉 Section 2 — “I’m at the Party… Now What?”

You don’t need to “work the room.” You need a structure that keeps your nervous system grounded:

• Be the Helper (take a task = instant structure)
• Anchor to One Person (no need to mingle endlessly)
• Pre-Decide Your Exit Conditions
• Create a Calm-Down Bubble (quick escapes are healthy!)
• Have an Exit Script Ready
• Drop the Holiday Performance Pressure

ASSAP Tie-In: These are Action tools — tiny steps that help you function in high-stimulation spaces.

📅 Section 3 — “I Overcommitted… Now What?”

Canceling is allowed. Editing your December is allowed. Protecting your energy is necessary.

• The Permission to Cancel Principle
• The Calendar Edit (star the draining stuff, remove 1–3)
• Use Social Substitutions:
  • 3-hour dinner → 20-minute coffee
  • Party → FaceTime
  • Gift exchange → send a card

💛 Section 4 — A Gentle Reframe

You’re not antisocial.
You’re not flaky.
You’re not failing the holidays.
You’re managing ADHD, solo adulthood, masking, emotional labor, and winter fatigue at the same time.
That’s called being human, not being broken.

✨ Section 5 — Soft January Teaser

January kicks off the “good stuff”:
Long-term, sustainable systems using the A and P in ASAP — Access and Persistence.
Your future self will thank you.

🔗 Links Mentioned in This Episode:

• Free Consult Call: www.twocatscoaching.com

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You’re not as alone as you think.

Transcript

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Here's the thing about holiday socializing when you have ADHD and you live alone. It's not that you don't like people. Well, not most people. It's just that every invitation feels like somebody handed you a group project three days from the end of the semester for a class you forgot to attend. It's like that horrible nightmare of I'm at school and I don't know how to finish this project. ADHD masking, winter mood dips, disrupted routines, and for us, the absence of another adult who can say, honey, do we have to go to this tonight? So this episode's going to focus on three real life scenarios that every single person with ADHD might deal with during the holidays. Number one, I got invited to a big social event. And now what? Number two, I'm at that social event. Now what? And number three, oh my gosh, I have totally overcommitted. Now what? Don't worry, this isn't about becoming a social butterfly. This episode is about realistic, doable choices that will help you protect your brain, your energy, and your peace. I'm Christine Dunning. I'm a master's certified life coach and the owner of Two Cats Coaching, yes, based on my real cats, and the host of this podcast, a solo person's guide to ADHD, where we help people who are both uh people with ADHD and single, and that unique intersection that affects us a little bit differently. So let's get started. Let's get started with that first one. Hey, you've been handed an invitation to a party. What do you do? Sure, it sounds like fun. Future me will totally have the energy and bandwidth to do that. You know, famous last words, your impulsivity may be talking. Now, if you're an extrovert, you probably really do feel that way. If you're an introvert, it probably scares you to death. And if you're like me and you're an ambivert, a little bit of both, it can be a little tricky. So here are a couple of things that you might want to think about in that moment. Number one, let's start with just a really quick gut check. Ask yourself, if this event was today, would you still go? If the answer is no, you probably should skip it. If it's maybe continue, and if it's yes, of course, I want to go to a movie party for elf, then you know, go and have a great time. The next thing to think about is some social math. And here's the thing every event gives or receives energy from you. If the balance is good, then it's time to go. Let's do this. But if this is going to be something that really sucks your energy, think about that. Some of those are unavoidable, but for the ones you can, maybe it's time to skip that one. Number three, think about sort of half attending. Tell the host, or don't, you know, I'll just come for the first hour. I will leave after dessert. Sometimes that can be more doable for our ADHD brains. It's sort of like going to the gym. I'm gonna put on my sneakers and I'm gonna get to the gym, and once I'm there, I'll probably end up doing something. But if I don't feel good, I'm just gonna go back home. And there you are. Lastly, think about pre-writing any of your decline messages. You know, we tend to panic type. Um, so something to think about, like, thank you so much. I really appreciate the invite. My energy's been really low lately, so I'm gonna skip for right now, but I hope you have a great time. Or, you know, December has gotten really full for me, but thanks for thinking of me. And a reminder, keep things like this in a place where you will see them, next to your phone or some place that you've easy access, so that the answer is there when you want to say no and you can't remember how. Because trust me, we've all been there. Now, just to let you know, I've got a new program coming out. It's called ASAP. And what we're talking about here is the first A of that ASAP. It's about access. We are creating support scripts before your brain melts and doesn't remember what to do. So, next section. You're actually at the party. You've shown up, you've put on your shoes. Now what? Maybe you're feeling awkward. Oh, maybe you should just go. Actually, maybe you should stay. Maybe you should go. I don't know. I kind of feel like I should stay. Oh my gosh, what do you do next? So here's a few strategies for actually at the party. Number one, become the helper. Pick up a task and do something. Refill ice, uh, pick up empty cups, pass out the appetizers, give a hand in the kitchen. Tasks give a structure, and in that structure, there's some safety. So it'll make you feel more grounded. Number two, consider just finding one person that you feel comfortable with and spend some real significant time with them. Whether that's a new person, somebody you haven't met before, or one of your old friends, it's okay just to sit and talk to somebody that you feel comfortable with. And don't let anybody get on your case and say, hey, you should have been talking to all these other people. I've had this happen. It was like, yeah, but I really wanted to talk to this one person. So just do it. It's okay. They might be feeling the same way. And number three, we sort of touched on this before, predecide some exit conditions. You know, like decide you're gonna leave after 45 minutes or after dessert, or after you've spoken to two people, or after you've finished a drink. The next one is to think about creating a little space for yourself in the middle of the party somewhere. You know, take two minutes, find a quiet hallway, step outside, use the bathroom if you have to, and just find a couple of minutes to breathe, get some water, think about things. Now, one thing to be aware of it's really easy to use liquid courage or um weed courage, let's say, uh, when you're in a tight situation. It's certainly fine to have a drink. Be careful though, about using alcohol just to get you over that hump because you'll try to use more and more alcohol and then it becomes a whole nother mess. And then again, have that exit script right ready to go. Hey, I've got a really early morning tomorrow. Thank you so much, I had a great time. Oh, I've I'm really tired, it's been a long week. Um I just I have to go, but thank you so much for having me. You know, again, nobody's keeping score. You do you. You have shown up, you've done your due diligence. By the way, again, looking forward to my next program. These are all part of the second A. Activate little doable steps in a high difficulty situation. Number three is one that I tend to resemble. Um, sometimes it's really easy to overbook. Oh, look, here's all these bright, shiny things that I want to do. And now I'm exhausted because I'm trying to do all the bright, shiny things. So let's approach this with a with some clarity and a little bit of kindness here. You know, it's okay to cancel. If something really isn't looking like it's gonna work, your bandwidth has simply changed. It's okay. You don't have to give a bunch of excuses. I'm so sorry I can't make it. But thank you for thinking of me. Next is do a quick calendar edit. Now, there are probably certain things on your calendar that you can't mess with, certain family events, probably certain work events that you really can't muck with. But the anything else, any of the stuff that's more optional. Put stars next to anything that you think will be draining, that might require some emotional labor that you're not ready for, or things that take a lot of prep, or things that happen late in the evening. I don't understand these people who start a party at 10 o'clock. Okay, maybe maybe that's my age speaking here. But it's true. So I can't do those things that are super late at night. If it's not starting until 9, yeah, sorry. Have a good time. You know, again, remove the stuff that really sounds like it's more of a chore than a pleasure. Another thing is that if something is like, oh, that sounds like it's gonna be tough, um, but I still do really want to honor that person, offer some social substitutes. Instead of, you know, going to a dinner party, ask if you can meet them for coffee. Instead of going to a big party, make sure you take time to do a FaceTime or a Zoom and say hi. And think about anything that you might be hosting. Make sure that you're up for that and all the aspects of that. And get help if you need it. You know, one trick with hosting, if I'm bringing people into my house, hire a cleaner. Seriously, it's the best thing I ever do. This isn't about you being antisocial, it's not being flaky. It's learning how to manage things and telling others politely, kindly, I love you and I want to spend time with you, but I have some limits. And my limits are gonna say, no, or let's make a change, or let's make this easier. This is self-support, not shame. So I've been alluding to a little bit here. I'm gonna do a little commercial for you, um, about a program I've got coming up in January. It's called ASAP. Because when do we want to make these changes? As soon as possible. And how are we gonna make these changes? Who knows? Well, I do a bit, I really do. And I want to be able to share that with you. So we're gonna talk about how to get through these situations so that next year, maybe this stuff doesn't slam you. Honestly, the holidays are hard for a lot of people. Add to that our ADHD and all the things that it encompasses our issues with time, our issues with executive functioning, our issues with impulsivity, um, all of that. And now you also don't have a partner who can take up some of the slack. So it's hard. It's okay to take care of yourself in this moment. And that's what all these now what's are supposed to be for. A chance for you just to support yourself. This month is about survival. And so you can do it. If you want support that actually fits your ADHD solo life, a reminder, I'm a coach. You can hire me to help you. So grab a free consult in the show notes. I would be glad to help you out. So I'm Christine Dunning with Two Cats Coaching and a solo person's guide to ADHD. Thank you for being here. Good luck with your holiday schedule. I hope you can make it work for you. Remember, I'm here for you. You're not as alone as you think.