Selfisms: Elevator Pitches for Your Life

What if you didn’t need resolutions, vision boards, or a “word of the year” to move forward?

In this episode, Christine introduces Selfisms — short, personal belief statements that act like mental shortcuts for decision-making, social situations, and overwhelm. Think: small rules you already live by… just made intentional. If you know what an elevator pitch is – it’s like that, but not necessarily for your business.

Christine kicks things off with a Broadway story that includes an unexpected encounter with Lin-Manuel Miranda, then breaks down how Selfisms helped her freeze less, decide faster, and show up more confidently — long before she ever knew she had ADHD.

This episode is especially for solo adults with ADHD who are tired of constantly reinventing the wheel every time life throws a decision their way.

In This Episode, We Cover:

• What a Selfism is (and what it is not)
• Why Selfisms work better than resolutions for ADHD brains
• How Selfisms reduce overwhelm, anxiety, and decision fatigue
• Real-life examples from:
  • Teaching and education
  • Job interviews
  • Social situations (including celebrity encounters 👀)
• How to spot Selfisms you’re already using
• How to write your own so they sound like you, not a meme
• Where to keep them so they’re actually useful
• Why Selfisms can evolve as you do

Why Selfisms Are ADHD-Friendly

Selfisms help because they:

• Reduce mental load
• Eliminate “start from scratch” decisions
• Act as built-in scripts for sticky moments
• Create consistency without rigidity
• Lower anxiety in social and professional situations

They’re not about perfection — they’re about making life easier for Future You.

Mentioned in This Episode:

• Broadway culture & theater people
• Music teaching philosophy & classroom decision-making
• Job interviews and values-based alignment
• The upcoming ASSAP for ADHD framework:
  • Access
  • Security
  • Structure
  • Action
  • Pace

(More on ASSAP coming in January!)

Next Up:

Next week’s episode focuses on reflection, rebooting, and intentional transitions, and how Selfisms can support you during reset seasons — whenever your reset happens.

Let’s Stay Connected

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And if you’re navigating life solo with ADHD and want one-on-one support?
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You aren’t broken.
You aren’t behind.
And you’re not as alone as you think.

Transcript

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Let me tell you a story. A couple of years ago, I went to New York City for one very specific reason. I went to see a Broadway show that was opening. And one of the fun things about going to the Broadway shows is sometimes you get a celebrity sighting. And on this particular day, it was a big one. Also at the same show was Lynn Manuel Miranda. And if you're a theater buff like me, it's kind of a big deal. When the show ended, everyone was filing out of the theater, but I always wait until the orchestra is done playing, and it was kind of a long exit music this time. So when I finally got into line, I was at the end. And then I realized that Lynn Manuel Miranda was standing right in front of me. Now, I have a personal belief about celebrities. I really don't think they should be bothered when they're just living their lives. But also like, when am I ever going to be next to Lynn Manuel Miranda again, right? So I froze for a second. And then I remembered one of my self-isms. I'm going to tell you all about what that is and how it all played out in just a minute. Well, happy almost New Year. If this is your first time here, I'm Christine Dunning. I'm a master certified life coach. I'm cat-owned and a big theater fan. And welcome to episode 26, Selfisms, how to create personal rules that reduce ADHD overwhelm. So this time of year, it's often about both reflecting and looking forward. Although, let me just say really quickly that if January 1st doesn't work for you, that's fine. I actually used August 1st as my personal reset date for many years. It was my divorce anniversary of all things. But also as a teacher, August 1st made a lot more sense to me than January 1st because starting the school year was such a big part of my life. So remember, if I'm saying this and you're like, but it's not January 1st, that's fine. Do it whenever you want to do it. So when we look at these resets, some people really like the old standby resolutions. You know, I want to lose 20 pounds. I want to travel more. I want to finish my novel. For the last several years, I've also seen a lot of people do a single word that sums up what they would like to do in the coming year. For the last several years, mine has been finished, which actually hasn't worked out very well because I still have a ton of unfinished projects. But today I actually want to talk about a different concept for starting a new year or a transition change. And that's creating a selfism. What the heck is a selfism? So this is a term I've recently coined, although it's a concept I've actually used for a lot of years. Think of it this way a selfism is not a single word, and it's not a big mission statement. It's a short phrase you live by, a sentence or two that might help you make decisions. Think of it as a microbelief or a small rule of life, sometimes even a social shortcut. A reminder of who you are and how you want to show up in the world. It's not just something as simple as a mantra, but it's not as big as a s as a mission statement either. I promise I'm not going to ask you to summarize your entire life in fifteen inspiring words. These are simply statements about how you are unique in the world. And here's an important distinction. You wouldn't have one selfism. I don't. I have several. They're usually funny or quirky or hopefully wise. And most importantly, they're useful. I have used selfisms way more often than I have used resolutions or those single-word resolutions. So my goal today is to simply explain what a selfism is. I'm going to share a few of mine and how I've used them, and especially how they can be useful for those of us with ADHD. And last, of course, I'm going to encourage you to write your own, give you a few tips on that. So let's start why selfisms are ADHD friendly. So often we come into a situation and it feels like we have to make brand new decisions. With selfisms, you're not starting from scratch. You're checking in to some things that you've already decided. They work really well for ADH Breens because they simplify your decision making. They help us act consistently. They remind us of who we want to be. They cut through the overwhelm, which is so important. And they can reduce anxiety in social situations. It's sort of your, all right, this is what I do, shortcut. They reduce friction and mental load, and they save energy. And honestly, I think most of us are already using them. We just haven't named them. And I'll be honest, I developed this concept long before I knew I had ADHD, and all of these ones that I'm going to share with you are things that I've used for many years. They're not recent. So let me give you a few examples. If you don't know this, I was an elementary music teacher for a long time. And as I got into elementary education, I realized that my background and my beliefs about how I wanted to teach were a little different from a lot of the other teachers that I was working with. And so over time I developed two selfisms, two statements that were all about my educational process. The first one was that music is a performing art, therefore, children should be performing. I have seen so many great things happen when kids get the opportunity to perform. And so I knew that was always going to be a big part of my program. I wanted my students to have performance opportunities. My other one was that elementary music class should start by singing. And then after we were done singing, then we play instruments, we learn about theory and history, we do movement, we have fun, we do games, and then we sing. Because your voice is the instrument you always have with you. Now realize these weren't written on a poster somewhere. They were decisions that I made about how I wanted to teach. It informed what happened daily in my classroom, how I structured my lesson plans, how I planned my year. Another good example, this one goes back even further, and I think it's probably the first one I ever wrote, had to deal with becoming a choir director for churches. This was a part-time job I had for many years. These days I just play piano, I let somebody else conduct. But when I was looking for a choir directing job, I decided that I really needed a statement that I could insert into the interview. And so I said that my philosophy around doing a choir in a church was that number one, we were there to worship God, because that's really the purpose of a church choir, right? Number two, we need to be creating as beautiful of music as we can with what we have. But number three is to make sure that we're having a good time. If choir and choir rehearsal is not fun, people aren't going to show up. I'm getting paid, but they're volunteers. And so I need to make sure that I honor that by making it a fun time. And, you know, these aren't vague values. This these guided how I rehearsed my groups, how I planned, how I showed up. And in interviews, I could tell if it was a good place for me because they would go, yeah, we like that. And it was a really easy thing for me to say that got people interested in me for the job. Now, let me go back to my Lynn Manuel Miranda story. So again, we've seen the show. I am at the end of the line, right in front of me is Lynn Manuel Miranda. And my brain is spinning. I keep going, do I say something? Do I say something? No, you shouldn't bother him. On the other hand, when am I going to have an opportunity? And then into my head popped another one of my selfisms. And this one's really just for fun, but I really do believe this. All theater people are friends. We just don't all know each other yet. That's it. But I've said that for years. And so instead of talking myself out of it, I finally said, Lynn, and very briefly, he turned around. He actually reached out and grabbed my hand. I wasn't even holding my hand out, I promise. And we ended up chatting for a couple of minutes. I told him I was a fan, but then we chatted about the show and about other people on Broadway that we both knew, etc. I promise you, he could not have been nicer. And it's really proof positive that these kinds of selfisms, these little single-statement principles, they work. They're ways to get the job, they're ways to explain who we are. And sometimes they're the ways to meet a celebrity that you really like. So again, how do we use these? I think one of the best places I've used them is job interviews. It's a really great idea to walk in with a belief statement about whatever the job is that you're showing up for. When I was teaching, if I went into a school and I told my belief system about children performing, some principals would be like, Yes. And a few might be like, if they're not interested in my belief that children should perform, if that doesn't thrill them, it's not the right school for me. It's the wrong situation. I want to be in a situation where the principal feels the same way I do. And if they don't, it's not a great fit. When you connect with somebody like that in a job interview, you're much more likely to get the job. It's probably my number one situation where I have used my selfisms. And it's really important. So, other kinds of career situations, sometimes if you just need to explain who you are and what you do, social moments, like I said uh with Lynn Manuel Miranda, that was really fun. Decision making. You know, what am I gonna do today in my classroom? Oh, that's right, we're gonna sing. Boom, I know what I'm doing. Let's talk about how you should create. First of all, start with things that you're already saying because the truth is you probably already have some selfisms that you say. Think about moments where you've said things like, always, bling, blang, blank, I never, bling, blank, blank. Or for me, it's important that I like to say any of those things that you say on a regular basis, that's a principle you believe in. Take that, and it maybe it already feels pretty solidified. And if not, create it into a statement that you can repeat. Another thing to think about is things that you always say to other people. You know what I always say to you. That's probably also also a selfism. Notice the sentences that help you unfreeze when you're overwhelmed. I go back to the Lynn Manuel Miranda story on this. What do I do? What do I do? Oh, that's right. All theater people are friends. So what do I do? I treat him like he's theater people, big theater people. I mean little tiny theater people, but we're still both theater people. And so in that time, I just treat him like he's another theater people. Not like a celebrity, another theater people. And we have things in common, because we we're both here because we love shows. Now, make sure that your selfisms sound like you. If it sounds like an Instagram or sounds like a meme, that's not it. Throw those out. Live, laugh, love, nah. No, that's not a selfism. I don't make big decisions when I'm hungry. If that's a struggle for you, that's a selfism. And then write some of these things down. Play with them. Practice saying them out loud. Remember they should be short, true, useful, memorable, and repeatable. Keep tweaking them until they sound like you. They sound like something that you would say. I mean, honestly, you really probably do have some of these already. What I'm suggesting here is you take those things you always say and make them purposeful and intentional. And understand, they don't have to be permanent. You can update them, retire them, rewrite them. They're gonna grow when you do. And then make sure you put them in a place where you will actually see them. Your notes app, sticky notes, your phone lock screen. But best of all, memorize them. Practice them so that you have them in any of those sticky moments. And when you're preparing for a new sticky moment, such as a job interview, take the time to think about this. What would you want to say that really reveals who you are? And what do you want to say that you think would get the interviewer either really interested in you or say, hey, thanks for coming. No thanks. Because both of those are really valid. So something not to do, don't just put them in a notebook. Don't just, you know, set them to the side. Oh, that's a cool thing. You want these to be useful, part of your regular life. I'm gonna look forward here a little bit. In January, I'm gonna be starting a new program called ASAP. And ASAP for ADHD is all about how do we structure our lives to appear in the world. And this is such a big part of that. And I wanted to tease this forward. We'll go into it actually in more depth in January. ASAP, for me, instead of as soon as possible, stands for access, giving yourself emotional support, being able to get to what you need. This is where I find selfism so handy. Structure, creating rules to get you through decisions, activation, scripts that help you move forward, and persistence, anchors that keep you going. Again, we're gonna talk about that in January. I'm gonna spend a week on each of those concepts. But before that, still have one more week at the end of the year here. We are gonna talk next week about reflection and rebooting and how we can use these selfisms to make intentional change in this time where a lot of people consider transition. So remember, you don't need a big life overhaul this week. You don't need resolutions if you don't like them. But you should find some small truths that help future you feel less lost. Take a few minutes to write down some of your selfisms. Keep them visible and bring with them with you into January, because we're going to build from there. Thanks again for coming. I'm Christine Dunning. And please, please, please, I'd like to ask you to share, like, and comment on this podcast. In order to see this podcast grow, I really need your help getting the word out there. You can find a solo person's guide to ADHD on YouTube and all your favorite podcast channels. I think I'm on all of them. And do check out my website. I'm in the process of revamping it and updating it. And remember, if you're looking for one-on-one help through any of this maze of life, I can be your gal. This is what I do for a living. So remember that being single with ADHD can can be a big challenge, but I'm here to show you that there are tools to help you along the way. And remember, you aren't as alone as you think. Thanks for coming.